Chemo Day 1

Hi Guys

So I will fill you in on Chemo - Day 1...

After a visit with my lovely Medical Oncologist, Sam and I headed up to Level 5 to the Chemo ward. I was gutted to discover I had just missed Drew Barrymore on the Ellen show. Drew is the one woman I would totally turn gay for....

Anyhoo, the nurses were lovely and did their best to calm my nerves, however, I have to admit to you all that I failed miserably. I sat in my big chair and proceeded to bawl my eyes out. They had to partition me off from the other patients as I didn't want to upset them and I couldn't stop the tears so that was that really.

After the wonderful sedative kicked in, I started to feel much better and only had some mild hallunicanations of men on rooftops (don't ask me why) before I felt like I was ready to deal with this. Sammy had a hold of my hand the whole time, and whilst she was trying her best to reassure me and be strong for me, her eyes told a different story. I can honestly say that I think today was as tough on my beautiful sister and brother in law, as it was on me. Even though the drugs were being pumped into my veins, Sam was experiencing everything I was going through. All I can say is that is one hell of a connection there. We have always joked that we felt more like twins than sisters. She is my rock, my support, my surrogate mum and my best friend. I am so blessed to have her in my life.

Ok, here's the details. Firstly, they pumped a bag of anti-nausea drugs into me. That took about 15 mins. After that was the "Adriamycin" (also known as Doxorubicin). This is the evil shit. The stuff is red and the nurse needs to stand with her hand on me the whole time it is being pumped in as if it hits the skin it burns the tissue like acid (wow and that shit is going into my veins?). This is the stuff that can cause Leukaemia - albeit very rarely. This is also the stuff that makes hair fall out and it is mainly used to treat breast cancers. I hated looking at that red liquid going down the tube and into my arm. I thought about pinching if off just before it had to go in, but I think she would have seen me do it.. and it would have made the chemo a bit redundant eh! Scary to think that to save my life I have to pump poisons into my body, but I guess its the lesser of two evils. Cancer is just full of wonderful ironies!

After the Adriamycin goes in the Cyclophosphamide goes in (hence why my chemo is called "AC"). This bag takes about an hour and is covered in black plastic (may as well had a skull and crossbones on it and a big POISON sign on it... looked ominous enough!). In all, we were there for over three hours.

I have left with a bag full of drugs and have my bucket beside my bed. Apparently everyone's symptoms are different, so I am keeping it close just in case. Hey... even if I don't spew, but my head falls off in the night, at least it will fall into the bucket and that means less mess for everybody.

I have a feeling I may not be able to stand up in the morning, based on the fact that I can barely stand right now. All in all, I am still pretty numb. I have a shaved head and did my first chemo.. I am entitled to feel like I have been hit with a mack truck I guess.

So goodnight my beautiful friends... here's to sweet dreams, 6ft tall dark handsome men and .... heads not falling off in the night.

I love you all

Fuck the lump

Ems XXX