"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" John Lennon

Hey guys,

Sorry for the delay in posting. As you may or may not know, I had my second round of Chemo last Monday 11th and I have to report that this time was worse than last time. We think it may be because my reserves were already depleted from the first round, but Round 2 seriously put me on my ass (literally). I've been totally bed ridden for the best part of a week and got well acquainted with my bucket. Again, the chemo brain is the strangest part. Leon came over last week for, what we now call 'Risotto Tuesday' (man that boy can cook!) and as I told him on the phone last night, I really have no recollection of him coming over. Poor guy... I promise your company does not suck Leon!

It's my evil mind ticking over here, but maybe I could use this to my advantage! I could pretty much do whatever I wanted and a couple of days later... poof.. it's gone from my memory... so I am open to your equally evil suggestions. We could get up to some serious mischief!!

So that being said, the next round on June 1st will probably be worse still. BUT the good news is that I am over the halfway mark now. So everyone give me a big FUCK YEAH!!!

I am such a night owl. It's 1.10am and as usual I am wide, wide awake. If only I could get paid surfing You Tube videos, hanging out in cyber space, listening to music and writing macabre short stories.... I would be one rich lady right now, that's for sure!

Have caught up with still more cool friends and more have already booked their tickets to Melbs. I would love to think they are all coming just for me, but it does help that I am based in the arts capital of Australia (not to mention the food, booze, nightlife etc) .... so methinks that may also have a part to play in it ;)

What else... oh yeah, Simon Clark got engaged. Congratulations honey! Let me know some more about your wedding plans and I will do what I can to get on a plane to be there.

Nick and Vick Wilkinson (two of my favourite people in the world) had a gorgeous baby. Brodie is an incredibly lucky boy, he's got two fricken awesome parents. I am so happy for you both!

Also excited that Mum and Dad will be heading over here around mid June. I can't believe I have been here three months already! Hopefully they will be staying for a couple of months, which is going to be awesome.

Man, I love Melbourne, but I seriously miss Wanaka. I google earth it all the time. Miss the mountains, my friends and sitting by the fire at Woodys. Dad's been telling me about all the snow they are getting. Sounds like I am gonna miss a bumper ski season.... argh! Bollocks. Balls. Hmph.

Anyhoo, onwards and upwards. Gonna head off now and polish my very very bald head. Why, you ask?? Just because I can.

Love you all

Ems xxx

The Perspective Bat

Had an awesome day. I caught up with a friend and we went to the Richmond Hill Cafe in Melbourne, which has an in-house fromargerie (cheese shop). We gorged on lovely teas and a cheese platter with all the trimmings. I was in cheese heaven!

I must admit the only thing that would have perfected the afternoon is a glass of crisp white wine to wash down all that lactose, but since I was diagnosed I haven't wanted to drink any alcohol at all. It's strange - my friends can't believe it, I am rarely without a beer or wine in my hand lol - but I just don't want to put anything bad into my body at a time like this. So I am being extremely well behaved.

Can't wait to start getting my travel plans into action. Travel (and apparently now.. cheese) are my focus. I spend most nights roaming the planet, thanks to Google Earth. Went from Bordeaux to Budapest to Malibu, CA last night.... not bad for a nights work eh.

Back to the fun stuff...

My hair continues to fall out at an alarming rate and to be honest, they never prepare you for how bloody messy it is! It doesn't all fall out in one neat heap on the floor, it falls out on your pillow, in your clothes, in the shower... all over the fricken place. Its messy and its annoying and yes, I am embarrassed to admit, I still cried like a little girl when it first started to come out in clumps.

My apologies go out to any friends who went prematurely bald. I am sorry I never took the time to ask how you felt about it, so please accept my very belated hugs.

It's very upsetting to see yourself looking like you wondered out of a concentration camp. Even though I had mentally prepared myself, to some degree, it was and continues to be a shock as each day goes by. I stare at myself in the mirror, wondering who that person is staring back at me. Is all of this really happening???

I wonder about a lot of things now. I call cancer "being hit with a perspective bat". I think about the journey of learning to like myself again after all of this.....

So, dear reader, how are you doing? Thanks for checking out my blog and for all the emails you continue to send. It really lifts my spirits :)

Hope you have a wonderful Mothers Day. Don't forget to tell your family how much you love them. If that's not an option, for whatever reason, do something wonderful for yourself. I highly recommend a gourmet cheese platter.

I am about to waste a ridiculous amount of time on the couch watching Monty Python movies.... sigh.... bliss!

Love to you all

Ems xx

p.s still hoping by some small miracle that Josh Groban will call me for a date... will have to find out if he likes cheese or not. If not.. I may have to rethink my celebrity crush ;)

Back from the brink....... geez I feel like a drink!

Hi Guys

Well, I am back from the dead.... only just. Wow Chemo is as bad as everyone says/thinks it is. There is no sugarcoating it. It is a bastard!. I had my first treatment last Monday and was bed-ridden and sick for the best part of 5-6 days. Well, at least I know what I am in for the next couple of cycles. But everyday since then, I am getting better and stronger. I was able to walk around by about day 3-4 and stopped feeling like I wanted to throw up and pass out at the same time around day 4-5.

Am slowly feeling more like myself each day, which to be honest feels amazing. Just to feel 'normal' again feels like a blessing and I am starting to get a more normal colour in my face. Was a nice shade of grey for the best part of the week.

The "chemo brain" they mentioned is the strangest part. My mind is a jumbled mess some days. I watched a movie two days after the chemo and then had absolutely NO recollection that I had seen it. I would have sworn black and blue that I had never seen it, until Gareth (my brother in law) mentioned that I thought Ashton Kutchers hair had looked shite in it (sounds like me lol). All of a sudden that triggered a memory and although I still cannot remember a thing about the film, I became aware that I had indeed seen it. I can only compare it to getting really really drunk and having no idea what you did the night before, until someone mentions a keyword and some of it magically comes back... anyhoo you probably know what I am talking about and if not... that's ok, I can put this rambling down to the "chemo" brain.

Been having some seriously scary nightmares and 'night sweats' which can be a part of it too and had my first ever migraine (due to the anti-nausea medication I am on). Wow that sucked ass! I feel so sorry for anyone who has migraines on a regular basis. I felt like someone had stuck a shovel in my head! Thank god I woke up today and it had gone.

So anyway, apart from all of that, I am doing fine. I didn't really want to post all the negative medical stuff, but thought that some of you might find it interesting from a symptamological (is that even a word?? If not... it should be) point of view.

In the interim, I am doing well. I am charging through the Hard stage of Guitar Hero 3 and listening to lots of great music.

My current songlist top 15 is:

Love Always Remains – MGMT
Human – The Killers
The District Sleeps Alone Tonight – The Postal Service
Cherry Blossom Girl – Air
Soothe Your Pain – Dub FX (saw him busking live in St Kilda)
In Our Gun – Gomez
Butterflies and Hurricanes – Muse
Kashmir – Led Zeppelin
Can’t Run But – Paul Simon
You Don’t Know Me – Ben Folds
Shape of My Heart – Sting
Grapefruit Moon – Tom Waits
Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes
I’ve Seen All Good People – Yes

If you haven't heard any of the above songs, let it be your task for the week. Trust me, you will thank me for the experience!! If you email me at emschranz@hotmail.com I can send you the mp3s.

OK, I love you guys!

xx Ems